All over again-- What if he told her?
by Hugablestpersonever
Summary: It's at the beginning of the series, when Morgana has only first discovered her powers, and Merlin wants to tell her about his own.


"She doesn't know what's happening to her!"

"Merlin! You cannot expose yourself to her!"

Merlin's ever-growing empathy for the witch, Morgana was taking over Merlin's thoughts and emotions. It was torture for him to have to only observe as Morgana's inner turmoil slowly started to boil over. She would constantly ask for help while he was utterly capable, but of course he could not. He longed to just say "I understand", or "I know it's all going to be okay". It was so difficult to look into her beautifully sculpted face with tears streaming down it and tell her that he didn't know. A lie. Continually lying to the person Merlin… admired greatly. These lies must pile up at some point, right? Sometimes Merlin would find himself wanting to yell it from the top of the mountains or the top of the castle.

 _I HAVE MAGIC, YOU KNOBHEADS!_

It could all be undone in two seconds. All the responsibility would be gone. He'd be dead, and he wouldn't have to fight anymore, against the monsters, his friends, Uther, even other sorcerers. No one was really on his side. Gaius and the Great Dragon was it, and even then Merlin had to fight them to get his point across every time. It all became a huge juggling act; a continual cycle between being Arthur's servant, Gaius's servant, and saving someone or something. No breaks… ever. Merlin was unsure if he could live with that, but he decided he'd have to take it one day at a time.

Somehow Merlin always thought that finding out that any of his friends had magic would be a good thing, but from the eyes of Gaius nothing is ever a good thing. It was one of his dreams really- to have a friend who also possessed magic like he did. Why couldn't Morgana be it? Merlin's dream?

In a way Morgana was especially lucky to have confided in Merlin in the first place. If she had gone to anyone else, excluding Gaius, Morgana would have been killed. Merlin could have thought of this as a coincidence, but he was convinced it was a sign.

 _She's supposed to know about this. She has to know about this. My magic. So, I can help her. For her. Morgana._

Merlin finished his dinner, and huffed to his room as fast as he could. Gaius didn't understand the pain of not knowing what is happening to yourself. The fear of not being able to control the one thing you are supposed to be able to control. She needs someone, and that person is going to be Merlin. Merlin waited in his room, and convinced himself he was doing the right thing. So many benefits would come from this. For Morgana. For himself. At least Merlin would know that he could help someone that he… respected significantly. Just one person.

Once Gaius had fallen into a deep sleep, Merlin slipped out of their living quarters, and headed towards Morgana's room. He weaved from hall to hall, and avoided the guards, something that came naturally to him just through shear practice. Finally, he reached Morgana's door. There was a small reluctance to knocking, but he knocked nonetheless.

"Lady Morgana?...", a little louder, "Lady Morgana! It's Merlin."

There was a small rustling behind the door, and then an opening.

"Merlin? What are you doing here?" She looked around for guards.

"It's about… What you were talking about this morning." Merlin urged her to let him in. She looked to the floor with a mixture of fear and embarrassment, as she did.

"Yes, Merlin? Any news from Gaius?" She sat down on her bed.

"Actually, _I_ wanted to visit you… I think you're right, Morgana. You do have magic. From what you've described to me it _is_ magic. You aren't going crazy." He sat down next to her and took her hand.

She looked up into his eyes, with fear in her own, "You really think so? How do you know? Have you seen magic before?"

Merlin could feel his heart pumping in his ears, as well as sweat starting to accumulate under his armpits. "Yes, I guess you could say I have… seen it."

Morgana breathed outward, "at least I know I'm not going crazy." A small smile appeared in the corner of her mouth, "thank you, Merlin."

"There's also something else, I-I wanted to tell you."

"Yes, Merlin?"

Before anything could stop him, Merlin forced the words out of his mouth, "I have magic. I'm like you."

Morgana stood up in a complete state of shock. Merlin could understand why. Even though she herself is magical, she's still only new to the entire situation.

She started to pace the room. Once she started to get her breath back, she began talking again, "Like me? With dreams? And fire?" She suddenly stopped and turned to look at Merlin. "And you've been hiding this from everyone the entire time?"

"Yes."

"Oh Merlin, I'm so sorry."

"It's not your fault, Morgana."

Merlin avoided Morgana's gaze. So many years hiding who he truly was, he never thought this moment would make him feel so… pitiful.

Before he saw, Morgana was at his feet, holding his hands and gazing into his eyes. "But you told me."

"Yeah… I did, didn't I?" Morgana's eyes were enchantingly green. Merlin found himself wanting to see more- to be closer, just so that he could gaze into those woodland green eyes Morgana possessed.

Having her Lady on her knees in front of him was wrong in his eyes, so Merlin guided her, hand-in-hand, to sit next to him once more without breaking their line of gaze.

"But are you okay, Morgana? You seemed to be quite distraught this morning."

Morgana looked down as she reassessed how she felt, and then looked back to Merlin. "I don't know. I guess I feel safer. Now that I know that you're here, and I know that you're like me."

That brought a smile to his face. This was what he came for. To make her feel as if the world wasn't ending. Like she could find some comfort in him. "Good."

As she tilted her head slightly upward, her eyes seemed to pass between his eyes and his lips. Merlin felt this pull to lean in… but he didn't want to over step. Every intellectual part of his brain was yelling at his body to NOT ENGAGE! She is the King's Ward, Merlin! This is a terrible idea!

And yet…

He leaned in, as their eyes closed and they kissed. It was not out of passion, or complete lunacy, but it was soft, sweet, and safe. Merlin could feel his stomach flip, as their lips moved around one another's. Their arms were free to roam, to touch as they wanted. Merlin cupped her left cheek and stroked it with his right thumb, as she wrapped her arms around his neck to pull him in closer. Once their lips and tongues started to move faster and more fervent, Merlin fell back onto the bed, and brought Morgana with him. She then slowed and stopped the kiss.

"Merlin," she said on top of him, as she looked in his eyes.

Breathlessly he replied with, "Yes?"

"Can you stay the night—with me?"

"Of course."


End file.
